Selfishness or self-love?

You must learn the difference between selfishness and self love. The difference between the two is often confusing.

Attending to your needs or self care is self love. Putting your own needs first is not being selfish. We often say yes to things we don’t want to do. We pay more attention to other people’s need, over our own needs. Living for others always can become very draining. I myself believed that saying no, having boundaries and fulfilling my dreams when others might need something different from me was being selfish.

“Love yourself first before loving someone else.”
- Quote from Buddhism.

To feel compassion for another requires you to feel it for your own-self first. Everyone faces difficulty practicing self love. Being loving, caring and being nice does not mean that one should do whatever it takes to please the other person. Pleasing others at the cost of ignoring our own progress and wellness is not healthy. Our fear of being selfish wears very heavily on us and we start ignoring our own wellbeing. Caring only for others can not last for long. Your authentic self will surface sooner or later. The feeling of overwhelming responsibility of always putting others ahead of you will soon create resentment. Eventually you will lose the ability to show up for others with joyful generosity and love.

Healthy boundaries are very important for healthy, truthful and honest relationships. It is important to understand when to be generous and when to be self-caring. This balance will create healthier relationships. The absence of self love and over-giving is draining and will make you feel trapped, burnt out, tired, self deprived and over-loaded. With over-giving you run the risk of being taken for granted. After all you have given your power away and it becomes very hard to get it back.

Being honest to yourself and to others can be challenging, but will eventually feel good. You will build more meaningful and open relationships. Self-love, self-care and self-respect makes us fuller and happier. It makes us feel more empathetic and willing to make a difference in other people’s life. Everyone benefits when we are our best authentic self.

So what is the difference between being selfish and having self love? Selfish people really do not care about any healthy balance. They only live to benefit themselves and most often at the cost of others. They are not even remotely curious about any balance.

By understanding the meaning and difference between self-love and selfishness, we can make a much healthier society and much more meaningful relationships. Loving and caring should not come as obligation. We must not let the fear of appearing selfish keeps us from looking after our own needs.

The greatest gift one can give to another person is the gift of self-care and personal development.

An empty cup can not fill anyone else’s cup.